The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
