He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
