just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
