i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
