It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
