Can Purell be used as lube?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
