the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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