Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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