I am in a vortex of obligation.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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