I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Rumble strips road head = magical
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
