I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
