I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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