just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
