Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
