Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
