I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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