i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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