Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
where does the pee come out of this thing
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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