Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
