Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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