dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
