Kareoke will never be a sober sport
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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