i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
