I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
