Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize