Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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