Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize