just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
