I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
