It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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