Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
