That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
