Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
