True but thats because hes a fetus.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
