the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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