Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
