I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
