I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
