Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
