i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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