I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
