I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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