Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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