I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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