Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
