Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I checked into jail on foursquare
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
