Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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