I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I queefed so loud it echoed.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize