dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
