I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
