yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize