And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
