So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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