I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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