i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
