this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Randomize
