fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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