A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
