Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
my liver is dry heaving
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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