my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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