It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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