dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
