my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So many bounce houses so little time
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
