Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
