Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
