i just wanna soil my oats bro
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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