first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
