If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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