I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
