Porn is love you can see.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize