PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
