my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
