He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
