it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Come see our sink grown plant.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
