You're completely useless in the revolution.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
